Thursday, November 30, 2006

12 men weigh in on 'mushy talk'

Last week, I asked my husband if he and his guy friends ever discuss sex, romance or any of the, you know, mushy stuff when they’re together on a boy’s-only outing. He emphatically replied: “Are you kidding me? No way.”

His response got me thinking. Do men talk about relationships amongst themselves when girls are not around? Surely not all conversations consist of just sports, politics and revealing Britney Spears photos, do they?

To help answer this question, I set out on a quest to ask 12 men their opinions. I asked each the same questions via e-mail, instant message or in person: Do you and your guy friends talk about romance and sex? If so, where do you usually discuss such topics?

Here are their responses, which are edited for brevity:

Guy No. 1 (Age 29; married 3 years): “Well, first of all, I only discuss it with really good friends, never just to anyone who will listen, if that makes sense. For instance, on the night before my wedding, I sat around with a few of my boys and I just talked about how wonderful she was … very basic and general stuff … you know, comparing her to the other girls who came before her and why those girls didn't do it for me. But I'm not a typical guy because a lot of my guy friends would never open up like that.”

Guy No. 2 (Age 38; separated): “Guys talk about sex anywhere and always. I discuss it with my closest friends whenever there's something worthy of being discussed. I can recall having such conversations with five different friends in the last few months.”

Guy No. 3 (Age 36; married 16 years): “I personally don’t chat with other guys about details. I have a close friend and we will talk about it in very generic terms. I guess that it is just a macho thing. I feel much more comfortable talking to other women about that kind of stuff.”

Guy No. 4 (Age 57; divorced): “Guys I know hardly discuss their personal lives and I don't discuss mine with anyone but my family. I went through a divorce four years ago and virtually no one I work with had any clue. I'm right now dealing with the break-up of a three-year relationship and I haven't mentioned it to anyone other than my family. It's just not something guys do, or at least not something I do."

Guy No. 5 (Age 38; single): “I talk to my friends about sex but not much about romance. Usually we talk about any funny things related to those topics. FYI - I am divorced, so when I was married I never really talked about sex out of respect for my wife and our marriage, so I guess being single is different.”

Guy No. 6 (Age 35; married 11 years): “Yeah, sometimes we do, and it depends on which guy you’re with as to what you'll talk about.”

Guy No. 7 (Age 33; single): “I usually don't discuss that kind of stuff unless my friends broach the topic. Most of my friends are married with children or at least in stable relationships. Additionally, their marriages are good and I can't exactly reciprocate as I haven't been active on the dating scene. No point in bumming my friends out. They know I'm a loner.”

Guy No. 8 (Age: 30; married 4 years): “The answer is no. Guys simply don’t talk to other guys about romance and sex. Well, that is with two exceptions. Exception # 1 is when guys are younger and in college. Guys will sit around in the dorm and talk about sex. Like who they were going to hook up with that night or the night before and talk about how good or bad she was. Exception # 2 is when guys are older and out of college. You are still sitting around getting drunk with the same guys, but now you are married and older. So instead you just get drunk and tell old college stories and tell your buddies how much you love them as you slur your words after about eight beers. That’s about as mushy as guys get.”

Guy No. 9 (Age 40, single): “When I was younger (college), a good friend of mine and I used to always drink on weekends and grouse about women, etc. He gave pretty good advice; I usually did most of the complaining. These days, most of my friends are married, and we don't talk a whole lot about those things. I do most of my talking about women to women.”

Guy No. 10 (Age 34, single): “I'm pretty open with several friends, guys and girls, about all my past sexual relations, though lately I haven't had anyone I actually felt I could relate to guy-wise in talking about romance, so I've only talked to girls, usually exes, about that.”

Guy No. 11 (Age 31, married 1 year): “No, we just don’t talk about it. We talk about more non-serious stuff, like when a wife is pregnant, we talk about how big her breasts have gotten, so see – nothing real important.”

Guy No. 12 (Age 29, single): “Yeah, I talk to them. I have a weird one, though, because the guy that I talk to the most about it is gay. I don't talk too many specifics about the mushy stuff. We chat in the car on the way to/from places. I think the fact that we can't look at each other when we're in the car (because one’s driving) helps.”


Anonymous said...

I'm a female, so I couldn't really know what guys talk about when females aren't around, but I'm pretty sure they talk about sex among themselves, since it's on their minds, but not romance or "mushy stuff." I would imagine these guys you interviewed were pretty honest. Many of us ladies call our girlfriends and talk in detail about a date we had last night with a new guy, how he was a perfect gentleman and so forth, while the guy we went out with may simply tell his best friend, "We went out last night. It was cool." I know it's generalizing, but it's more true than not.

Anonymous said...

Hey, haven't you noticed? Guys don't talk about anything significant -- AT ALL! And when they do talk, they lie.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea, and the women dont? Not all of us guys are lying dirty dogs. But a few guys give the rest of us a bad name. There are just as many women players out there as their are men players. Why cant we all just get along?

Anonymous said...

Guys are not dogs because dogs are loyal.

Anonymous said...

I think guys do have an inner urge to discuss romantic things.. My husband's friend in college used to ask to be in our wedding (we weren't yet engaged) whenever he got drunk...

Anonymous said...

If any male tells you he doesn't discuss his sex life with his buddies, he's either telling a lie, been married long enough to no longer be allowed buddies, or is gay. Deb and I talk about other's sex lives all the time...even family members....

Anonymous said...

In my male-dominated professional, I (a female) have been privy to the secret world of guyhood. I'm here to tell you, all guys are mushy. All guys gossip (some more so than women), and all guys talk and talk and talk about relationships and sex. They talk amongst themselves and to me. It's really a lot like a group of girls, if you ask me.

Mix said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Insert subject line here and link it to: Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.